this took me almost a week to complete so read it s-l-o-w-l-y okie? i doubt there will be another long post in the near future... say 18 years? =P

***

it's 0420 and where is my baby? they said they will wheel her to me every 3hrs for feeding and the last time was 1230! =P

okie... i am just whining cus i can't wait to see her again! hehehe...

and it's just 12hrs and 1min since a became a proud mama of a 3.735kg baby girl! :)

*** 

recalling my past 28 hours... 

so we reached the hospital's delivery ward last night and i remembered taking a minute to walk the last walk, as just a daughter, a sister and a wife, reaching the delivery suite #7 at 0018. okie fine, the last walk was to the toilet to shit my ass out.. but that's so not glamorous to mention right? =P

while i was prepared for delivery and given a simple tour around the ward, the hubs went to do the administration stuff for us.

a nurse, maria (one of the three nurses' name i remembered, because after her there were just too many. the other nurse was chidie and jane) came to checked me, she found that i was 0.5 cm dilated and having contractions!

i know 0.5 cm isn't a lot but compared to the past dr lee's check, this is good news! but it's weird that i don't feel any pain at all. my 乖寶寶 really know that it's time to come out!

just as the nurse was done hooking me up with machines, the hubs has also returned to the ward. maria then insert the pill into my cervix to soften it.. that pill worked almost immediately for me.. the contractions got closer and intense. by 3plus, i was already 3.5cm dilated! yay! but by then, the contraction was also becoming unbearable :( so i requested for the epidural..

but before i go on.. within that 3hrs, many things happened.. they have to monitor my contractions and baby's heartbeat for an hour.. after an hour, they insert some gel to make me clear my bowels.. not nice at all..

and i made the nurse roll her eyes.. lol.. 

nurse (after inserting the gel): okie u try to hold for five mins ok? 

me: how to hold? 

nurse: hold 5 mins.. 

me: how to hold? 

nurse (laughs): don't go before 5mins lah! 

sounds easy right.. the moment she went away, i can already feel my insides rumbling.. within two mins, the shit was already at my ass.. i could only hold for another minute and begged to be let to the toilet.. as if that was not bad enough.. another painful contractions came.. i really thought i was going to die while shitting... 

at that time, contractions were coming at like 2-3 mins. so i sat there planning my how-to-clean-myself-up-in-2.5-mins.. first i send the hubs to get me a clean towel and waited for a next contractions to come and go.. 2.5mins later, i have a cleaned washed ass... yay! so proud of myself.. 

after the pooping episode, i immediately signed the epidural consent form just in case it's too late.. i was told that the dr will take 30-60mins to reach and the epidural will take about 30mins to work.. that is like 1.5hrs of more pain! i was already wriggling in pain and crying like a banshee with each contractions and the machine was showing i was hitting off the chart most of the time.. i really have to idea how other mothers does it without the painkiller.. 

lucky for me, the anesthetist arrived within 30mins.. i think he was already on his way as there were other mothers requested for epidural.. 

the procedure was less scary but more painful than the amniocentesis test i had.. i think the pain mostly was from the contractions when curling up.. i think there was no other much pain as dr chan was quite good. at least that was what dr lee also says when he came later :) 

the total procedure took about 30mins and it was totally worth it.. though there were still dull pain at each contraction peak but it was bearable and after that i managed to sleep for like 2hrs :)

dr lee came at around 730 in the morning to check on me. he was quite happy with how things were progressing and increased my chances of a natural birth from 50% to 80%! he also broke my water bag to speed things up a little.

i was served with light breakfast, milo & biscuits. 

the wait continued with nurse jane, taking over chidie, who is like a mummy aunty - a bit fierce, a bit gossipy, a bit cute & funny...  dr lee came 2hrs later and i was still at 3.5cm. i was into my second epidural and getting a little dishearten.. :(

dr lee came slightly after 1pm and told us that i am around 6cm dilated but baby is still very high.. he waited for another contractions and "manually" dilated me till about 8cm. he also told us that if still nothing happen, we have to make some decisions.

an hour later, 3pm, he came back.















still nothing.















he told us that we have two choices now:
1. wait
2. have a caesarean

he left us to discuss. what i like about dr lee is he never forces his opinions on us. and whatever decisions we have, he is very supportive, as long as we dont put any life in danger. =)

after much discussing with the hubs, at 1516, i made the most difficult decision i had to make that day but i know its for the best for her... we opted to have a caesarean.

her heart rate baseline had increased till 160 which was much higher than the 120-130 when we were just admitted. i was also running a slight temperature. though she was not in distress yet where no negotiation was allow but dr lee was right - its better to deliver her when she is still "doing fine"..

furthermore at around 2 plus, more water came gushing out. it was so much that they have to change me out and the sheets. they also deployed a cleaner to mop up the swimming pool that formed below me.. the nurses commented that this is more than average and informed us that water is coming out due to her head is still too high allowing water to flow out. =(

before heading to the hospital, just in case, i told the hubs to convince me to have a caesarean if i am already dilated but the head is still too high. cus during the second last check up, dr lee had explained that she is probably too big to fit into my pelvic. so there is a high chance that even i am 10cm dilated, she still will not be able to be delivered naturally..

after the decision was made, everything was in a whirl. i was transferred to other bed and push out of the delivery ward and to the operating room. i only remember seeing lots of lights and was wondering can they push slower because everything is happening so fast! i am not ready!

when i entered the room, dr lee was already sitting in the corner in his scrubs and waiting for me. they transferred me to the operating table.

i am not sure if its the fever or epidural, i had a hard time comprehending what a nurse was talking. she was telling me details how the operation details and that was scaring the hell out of me.

dr lee was immensely patient with me. scared by the nurse, i was not sure if i was ready for the pain level. so we waited and waited for the epidural to work after trying and trying again. i was also given a choice of general general anaesthesia if i am still not comfortable with the pain level but the hubs would not be able to see the birth then. so i 咬緊牙根 and go ahead with the "pain level".

the truth - the operation was shorter than the "speech" given by the nurse and there was hardly any pain. and the tugging and pushing she was talking about was not that scary because i hardly feel anything at all!



at 1619, she was born. i will never forget her first cry. it was loud and resounding. the horror stories of miscarriage, baby died in womb at 3rd trimester, baby get strangled by umbilical cord, all got flush away with the tears that was coming out uncontrollably out of my eyes. i finally am relieved.

楊小貝貝.

i am glad we opted for the caesarean. when she was born, she had a big bump popping out on her right side of her head (you can actually see that in the above photo). proof that she really have been pushing herself out real hard. poor little girl, must be so uncomfortable for her for the last 16 hours... =(

我的乖寶寶.
a cleaner version. =)

***

thank God for giving us such a perfect child. =)