the dodo is back! =)

my little girl is dancing in my belly to tor's piano pieces - feeling ultimately blissful and blessed at this moment. =) wished that i had more time for her while she is still in my belly..

OOTD!

okie lah.. i do feel slightly prettier today =)

us at SEA aquarium =)

okie.. we are going third base trimester... =P

cant believe it that i am left with only about 11-12 weeks! its really fast and i am having mixed feelings now if i want her more out or in.. =X

i want to see my baby and stop carrying the weight around my belly. its giving me bad backaches i ever had and my rib cage also hurts like mad that it feels like its going to break. nausea is also back in town. dr says its due to my stomach got not enough space as minibean is growing bigger so that would happen if i ate too much.. so how much is too much now? 3/4 of my 2-slice peanut butter and jam bread. now i cant even have enough of what i like.. sigh.


i miss wearing heels and pretty clothes.. i really love heels.. at the beginning of pregnancy, i will still go charles and keith just take a look around and have the cheap thrill of looking at people trying on nice heels while i try on flats. i have nothing against flats, but shoes makes a lady or aunty. flats are comfy but heels gives you power. no matter how nice flats are, they dont give you the power look and not every heels can give you the "omph" look. that i know.

like i already say, i love heels... so when i cant wear them but still get to look isnt that bad right? then i started to notice (more than ever) heels the ladies are wearing while they sashay pass me and i realised how aunty i looked beside them.. =( usually when i wear slightly casual clothes, i will pair it will heels and it will look less aunty. but my growing belly had made me wear casual clothes more frequently = i looking aunty more frequently.

its not just me okie.. cus one day while i was getting ready to go out, the hubs casually said to me, darlin, luckily you met me before you got pregnant. T__________T

see!! even the hubs noticed! how to not feel frumpy and aunty and old! i have not step in charles & keith for weeks now - looking at pretty heels but cant buy them makes me depressed. seeing how other people looked less aunty than me on those towering heights just makes me feel worst.

pregnancy really mess with my self esteem. i am always feeling ugly - patchy skin, dull hair, fat butts, etc... though i cant wait to have my bump (in my first trimester), i am always worried people might think that i am just fat. when i got my bump + 11kg (now), i am scare that i will always weigh this heavy. before i got pregnant, i actually did thought before how i would like to dress up when i am pregnant but reality sux.


i cant stand the sound of baby crying so with her inside i cant hear it.. lalala! i think this is caused by jelly. when she was still a baby, i had to babysit her while mummy is not around at night. she seems to know it and would sleep shorter period than usual. the problem was not she not sleeping, it was her wailing loudly non-stop for hours. nothing i did would pacify her. =( she would stop only when mummy comes back, scold her and she would fall back sleep in minutes! i so want to strangle her. -_-"  minibean, minibean, you better be good and not cry like your aunt.. you can tell me what you want and i will decide if you can have it okie? of course i decide lah! how can i let my baby decide if she wants to wear pink or yellow? to drink milk or not? how can a baby knows whats good for them? dont be funny.


the thought of giving birth and the pain really scares me.. i am really scare. period.


i really like the feeling of her moving inside me and this is probably the best thing i like being pregnant... its also one of the reason i have not been blogging much. i spent most of my free time lying down on my bed, talking, stroking my belly and feeling her move around. =) she is getting more responsive by the day too! sometimes i pat my tummy and she kicks back where i pat. =) maybe she trying to tell me not to disturb her or go away.. lol..


but overall, i think i still cant wait to cuddle her. so i want her to be out! =)

any difference? =)

the long weekend is finally over and my monday could not have been more blue ~

so the last check went pretty well. minibean has no downs (YAYS!) and is growing quite well.. =)

at 26 weeks now, she is about 22 cm and weighs slightly less than a kilo.. =)

though my weight gain is almost 10 times of that.. lol. 

she been very active lately also.. have been trying to take a video of her moving but i am too slow.. haiz.. the hubs likes to poke my belly and feel/watch her kick back.. it amuses him much but not for me.. cus she will continue to do that for hours, esp at night, while the hubs would probably have already fallen asleep. o.O

have been racking our brains over a name for her too.. we have (kinda) decided to use zt's chinese middle name 智. so one more character to go... her 奶奶suggested "min" but i like "xuan" better.. 14 more weeks to think... *pulling hair...

***

anyway, i have also officially moved back to sengkang over the long weekend and finally got most of the things packed in the cupboards. man, i really got too much stuff and i need to throw/give more stuff away!

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OOTD! =)

my poor donald. 

due to space constrain.... 

On the bus to the hospital for my monthly date with the gynae.. Quite anxious about the results.. :(

The last visit was one of the worst day of my pregnancy.. At then, I am reminded that the worst that could happened during a pregnancy is not the morning sickness or weird symptoms but hearing that the baby is not doing well.. From the first appointment, I always have a mixed feeling when I go for the check ups - am excited to see minibean on the scan and see her growth but at the same time I am always holding my breath till I hear the gynae says, your baby is fine/growing well! 

The last 20-weeks scan did not go too well.. They found that minibean had slightly more than average amount of fluid in one of her brain ventricles.. The gynae push for an amniocentesis test schedule the next day as she was concern it might be a symptom of downs :(

Everything after that was a whirlwind. Only remember the consultant reassuring us that the risk is relatively low - 1 in 300. After debating with the hubs for almost an hour, we decided to go for it to get ourselves prepared if there was wrong with minibean. 

On the way to the hospital the next day, I suddenly realised that 300 is not really a big number as I thought it was.. If everyday, they would perform 2-5 such test, a year would have about 2-4 deaths!! o.O

Anyway it was too late and fortunately the test went smoothly and minibean is still in my tummy :)

However, my bad days were still not over.. I waited patiently by my phone for two weeks for someone to call me about the results.. No one called.. So I called them.. Department A told me to call Department B and so on and so forth.. finally after 2 days I manage to talk to a nurse and I really think they could work on their bedside skill.. :(

I was told that nobody called because my results shows that I do not need urgent attention.. So I asked if everything is fine then? No I can't really say that...

At that point, I really give up.. :(

Reaching the hospital soon already.. Are you ready minibean? 

last time going to work from woodlands...

dear minibean,

i received this from your aunt pixie a few days ago and its something that i have to agree with.

thought that i am the only one having this thought but apparently there are other mummies out there who think alike.

it is starting to disturb me as i see more and more parents calling their child prince & princess. i always feel that "princess" is more of a title and it denotes royalty and a class above the rest. that is not good.

in reality, i am not a queen and neither is your daddy a king. hence, we cant give you the title of a royalty. what we can give you is food, a warm bed, education and all our love.

you are also not a class above the rest. we are all human beings made in God's likeness. you may be served in shops and restaurants but remember, you do not deserve or demand it. they are not your servants and you are not in any ways more superior than them. they are there to help you and make your shopping/dinning experience more comfortable and streamlined. period.

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. - Margaret Mead

so i am sorry but you will never be a princess (unless you married a prince) not because i do not love you. but its my job to keep you rooted and i hope that one day you will truly understand me. but you can have a princess themed party when you are older if you like - one day of make-believe wont hurt i guess. =)

i love you dearly and always will. 

us lounging at the taoyuan airport.. 

its the last 30 minutes we have in taiwan and i cant wait to sleep on my bed. =)
not that i dont like taiwan, just that i miss my bed.

the trip was good and relaxing.. we have ample rest everyday. even the eyebags i thought was perpetual permanently fixed on the hub's face was gone! =)

shopping in taipei was abit sad though. wanted to buy bags but the neon season is out and its just not me. =( want to buy clothes... the shop keepers says, 欢迎光临, 喜欢的都可以拿来比一比哦.. at my face..

then they would catch a glance of my growing belly, give me that look and walk away. T_____________T
cant i also want to be a pretty mama!

so in the end, all the things i shopped for is mostly for minibean... well, lucky her lor. get to look pretty when she is out while her ugly mama is going to spoil her photos looking unglam and auntie at the back... =P



this lounge chair is really comfortable.. am falling asleep when typing this......... okie... i just close my eyes for awhile okie..... Zzzzzz....