okie.. we are going third base trimester... =P

cant believe it that i am left with only about 11-12 weeks! its really fast and i am having mixed feelings now if i want her more out or in.. =X

i want to see my baby and stop carrying the weight around my belly. its giving me bad backaches i ever had and my rib cage also hurts like mad that it feels like its going to break. nausea is also back in town. dr says its due to my stomach got not enough space as minibean is growing bigger so that would happen if i ate too much.. so how much is too much now? 3/4 of my 2-slice peanut butter and jam bread. now i cant even have enough of what i like.. sigh.


i miss wearing heels and pretty clothes.. i really love heels.. at the beginning of pregnancy, i will still go charles and keith just take a look around and have the cheap thrill of looking at people trying on nice heels while i try on flats. i have nothing against flats, but shoes makes a lady or aunty. flats are comfy but heels gives you power. no matter how nice flats are, they dont give you the power look and not every heels can give you the "omph" look. that i know.

like i already say, i love heels... so when i cant wear them but still get to look isnt that bad right? then i started to notice (more than ever) heels the ladies are wearing while they sashay pass me and i realised how aunty i looked beside them.. =( usually when i wear slightly casual clothes, i will pair it will heels and it will look less aunty. but my growing belly had made me wear casual clothes more frequently = i looking aunty more frequently.

its not just me okie.. cus one day while i was getting ready to go out, the hubs casually said to me, darlin, luckily you met me before you got pregnant. T__________T

see!! even the hubs noticed! how to not feel frumpy and aunty and old! i have not step in charles & keith for weeks now - looking at pretty heels but cant buy them makes me depressed. seeing how other people looked less aunty than me on those towering heights just makes me feel worst.

pregnancy really mess with my self esteem. i am always feeling ugly - patchy skin, dull hair, fat butts, etc... though i cant wait to have my bump (in my first trimester), i am always worried people might think that i am just fat. when i got my bump + 11kg (now), i am scare that i will always weigh this heavy. before i got pregnant, i actually did thought before how i would like to dress up when i am pregnant but reality sux.


i cant stand the sound of baby crying so with her inside i cant hear it.. lalala! i think this is caused by jelly. when she was still a baby, i had to babysit her while mummy is not around at night. she seems to know it and would sleep shorter period than usual. the problem was not she not sleeping, it was her wailing loudly non-stop for hours. nothing i did would pacify her. =( she would stop only when mummy comes back, scold her and she would fall back sleep in minutes! i so want to strangle her. -_-"  minibean, minibean, you better be good and not cry like your aunt.. you can tell me what you want and i will decide if you can have it okie? of course i decide lah! how can i let my baby decide if she wants to wear pink or yellow? to drink milk or not? how can a baby knows whats good for them? dont be funny.


the thought of giving birth and the pain really scares me.. i am really scare. period.


i really like the feeling of her moving inside me and this is probably the best thing i like being pregnant... its also one of the reason i have not been blogging much. i spent most of my free time lying down on my bed, talking, stroking my belly and feeling her move around. =) she is getting more responsive by the day too! sometimes i pat my tummy and she kicks back where i pat. =) maybe she trying to tell me not to disturb her or go away.. lol..


but overall, i think i still cant wait to cuddle her. so i want her to be out! =)