and so today is the last time my baby had breast milk and also officially ends my first bf journey. i watch her gulp down the last pack of bm with bittersweet feeling.

during pregnancy, i read about how to bf and in the process i gained information on how beneficial it is for the baby. i also read how some mothers struggle with bf, especially those not born by natural birth, and i told myself to just stay calm if my baby doesn’t latch.

the first time the nurse carried her to me for feeding, maybe it’s the anesthetic, i was pretty relaxed though something was shouting inside my head. magically, she latched perfectly and we bonded well though she was born via a cesarean and the voice in my head died promptly.

BUT all the reading i had, did not prepare me for my bf experience. bf moms seem to only talk about how good, nice, how much they are pumping and all other positive things about it. they don’t talk about how the not nice things.

the truth is, it is damn tiring and painful - mentally and physically exhausting.

i was carrying her every 1-2 hours and for 30mins to almost an hour each time. and when i carried her (that little pumpkin weighed almost 4kg) my cesarean wound hurts like it’s a fresh cut. there was once it was so painful, i thought the scar was going to split open and i gave her first bottle of formula. my wound took a long time to heal.

over 5 months, i have latched her for 192hrs & 6mins. and over 6months plus, i have pumped a total of 377hrs & 44mins and produced about 2,247 oz. just for record purpose.

if i have a next kid, i will still take the same approach and mindset. i will not insist on exclusive bm only. i had that thought at first cus i was told by parents that babies wont fall sick if they are fed exclusively bm. but i have learnt that its not true at all. they still get sick with cold, flu and fever. which i think is normal for babies to be sick.

the only two things i love about bf is probably her contented smile after a satisfying meal and how she looked at me like i am her whole world when i latch her. =)