still feeling very lousy. =(

all was fine. though i couldnt keep myself at neutral buoyancy and keep hitting the pool floor but hey i was left with about 6 (out of 16) more skills set to go and a few more to perfect.

suddenly the fear of accidents that might happen 10m or more under the sea seeps in.. i was only 2m deep. though i am not that tall but at 2m, i just need to kick a little and no need to worry about decompression and just shoot up. but 10m under the water? thats a long way.

suddenly i could not keep water out of my mask and my second stage. i could not clear water out of my mask too. it was "suddenly", because i already know how and could do it. suddenly i could not coordinate my nose and mouth. i can hear kel telling me "just dont panic" in my head. so i just kept trying to clear my mask and keep myself calm. but i just could not do it and had drank lots of water too.

the instructor was nice and ask if i need to rest and i said yes. after a 10mins break i tried again. and i still cannot clear my mask and drank even more water.

the thought of "this might happen in the sea 18m below water" and fear of accident/drowning/dying was too great and i said it, "i give up". i asked if i can give up cus suddenly i am not comfortable in water anymore.

since yesterday, i have been feeling lousy and useless.

princess is convinced that all i need was another pool session to build up my confidence in water. apparently the instructor told him that i was doing all my skills well.

so.. what should i do now? =((

at the point that i was feeling terrible in the water, i kept asking myself why am i doing this? do i really want to see the fishes in the water? ok lor. i can live with the photos princess take. do i really want to go scuba with princess? yes... but cant swim + cant differentiate between nose & mouth + not comfortable in water + >10m under water + absentminded nature... does that sound like suicide to you?