Again and again.
*
Its been such a long time. And yet the time is still not enough for you to realise what you have done.
*
I am not going close you, not because i did anything wrong or feeling too shameful to see you. Its that i do not want to get hurt by you again. But i am wrong. You still found ways to hurt me.
*
After helping you again and again, all i got was "she betrayed me".
I told you things that i should not know to help you and told you to keep it to yourself. But you went tell them.
Do not tell you me you rephrased your question or left my name out because i heard it with my own ears.
We were going "transparent" that day, me and her. We were beside each other all the while, except the time when i was telling you the little secret. Purpose was not to have unnecessary misunderstandings within me and her, not to trap you.
But that day, i caught you instead - your words with my own ears.
I gave you a chance to explain yourself. I asked you what did you say to her. You LIED through your teeth. Then i asked again. You LIED again.
Do you know how sad and hurt i was that i was afraid of myself? I was afraid that i would hurt you back. Do you know how trapped i felt with my own feelings that i cried every now and then?
I was so glad when the exams were over. I felt freed. No more obligations.
*
Even after you lied, you said i was your friend.
Do friends lie to each other?
You called me up when you were left all alone outside. You told me about the problems and fears you had. I sincerely hear you out and patiently calmed you down.
And where were you when i was all alone?
Did you even remember me?
*
When my family came, i then realised how much stuffs you have been talking to your mum about - even those that you are not supposed.
I also realised why you asked me that question out of the blue.
That was the last straw. You did not only hurt me but you hurt my family too. I could not trust you.
*
And today, i officially have a spastic smile.
When are you going to stop?
joop chun.
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