though i do not remember the details, but when i was probably about three, a cab driver commented that she 很年轻, 看起来好像你们的姐姐 (referring to my aunt & mummy who were in the cab). he added that she does not look like someone who was in her fifties. that moment, i understood the word "爱美" and she taught me how.
she taught me that girls should always sit properly and we should always look neat and tidy. she would wipe me down and powder me to make sure i am clean and mummy can smell me from miles away when she picks me up after work.
every morning, she would doll herself up before she goes to meet the world - her family. if i reached her house early enough, i will get to watch her put on her make up meticulously; not a hair would be out of place. whether she is going to the market or just working on her garden, she made sure everyone sees her neat and clean. one day, mummy and i dropped by her house during a weekday and caught her on the way to the hairdresser. only that once, i saw her with her "original" hairstyle. when she grew weaker and was unable to make trips to the hair salon, my aunt would get a hairdresser to come over to do her hair for her and that made her very happy. that made us happy too, because she would only take photos with us if she thinks she looks good :)
every reunion dinner, my grandpa (when he was still alive), uncles, male cousins & male cousin-in-laws would eat first as the table would not fit the whole family. followed by any leftover male members and female cousins. then followed by aunties and herself who are always the last. she showed me the expectations of being a wife - to put my husband before myself.
on weekends, whenever someone bought snacks or tea back, she would instruct us to offer first to grandpa and uncles. and if any elders are too busy to eat at that moment, we have to leave some for them too. she showed me how to respect my elders.
the biggest lesson she taught me was love. she loved and dote on every one of us unconditionally.
when i was growing up, i would snitch food while she was cooking lunch. she would tell me off saying that it is rude and unhygienic. but after a few times of unheard advices, she scooped some out and let me officially snitch some food when she was cooking.
when i went overseas to study, i asked her to teach me how to pick fresh food from the market. she laughed at me and said all the food over there is very fresh, no need to pick.. lol. she was more well-travelled than me..
when i was dating, she would often call mummy to ask if i had gotten married. and mummy would say no. then she would ask if i had secretly gotten married without telling her. again no. then she would tell mummy that it's not good for a girl to be dating for so long without getting married
:(
when i told her i was getting married, she was so happy and i still can remember that smile on her face. but when i told her that i was going to live with the hubs for a while she was concerned. she asked why. she told me to respect my in laws and told me not to hide in the room every day when i reach home. (i think she knows me so well even though we don't live together.) she told to me to interact with my in laws after dinner and be good. if they have guests at home, i would have to help entertain them too.
when i was pregnant with a girl, she asked if my in-laws would mind that she was not a boy. when i was pregnant with another girl, she suggested i must try again for a boy so that my in-laws would love me and 有地位.
when rosanne visits her, she would affectionately calls her 小小豬. till her last days, she would still response to the name 小小豬.
i will remember the way she feeds me - cooling the food in her mouth with spoon and then feeding it to me.
i will also remember she telling me not to stand behind a mini bus exhaust, otherwise when the vehicle starts, i will become black black.
she, is my grandma.
the grandma, i loved the most.
the strongest & determined woman i ever met.
***
i knew it was bad news when i heard my aunt's croaky voice over the phone asking for my mummy. and when mummy told me the news after she hanged up, my heart broke but kinda felt prepared for the news.
shortly after aunt kim passed on last year, someone came in my dream and told me that i will be losing two grandmas (loved ones) that year. maybe the person meant in a year? the dream was weird - no picture no nothing. was just a female on my left with her face facing away from me - not the usual type of dream i have. it was a short dream and i woke up immediately. it bugged me. i told the dodo about it later so that the dream will not come true (some silly thoughts we had).
we made effort to visit the grandmas often. last aug, the hubs grandma passed on and with the year end approaching, i was apprehensive about my dream. but i guess telling a dream in hopes that it wont come true does not work.
goodbye 阿嬷. will remember and love you till the end of my time.
